August 9, 2025

Why hello! If you’re reading this piece, I strongly recommend reading its originator, “What’s Wrong with Being Confident?” This piece continues from where we left off. The death of ego, the birth of humility, and through this, learning an invaluable soul skill. Temperance. As always, please regard my words as what they are. Words. 

What is the Purpose of this soul skill, Humility?

Humility, the acceptance of feeble misalignment between your actions, your thoughts, and your words. It can be used in a multitude of manners, but, this writer shall only name a few. When you recognize, understand, and therefore accept your shortcomings in life, you gain a keen awareness on how to fix them. Rather, on how to leverage them. Humility teaches us how to see ourselves as people rather than perfect beings. Therefore, we stop trying to “fix” ourselves and start trying to understand ourselves. It is the first step in actualizing empathy and emotional consciousness. Humility teaches us how to trust, help, hurt, honor, but most importantly–feel. Humility teaches us that we are not above our feelings, nor are our feelings above us. We–I and you–can leverage our feelings to better connect to our goals and other people. But, what of humility’s inverse? Confidence, the awareness of energetic alignment between your actions, your thoughts, and your words. What is it’s purpose?

Can we have Both Humility and Confidence?

This writer believes that anything and everything can happen at the same time. However, we must first look at “time” as a recommendation, rather than a core rule of our existence on this earth. The birth of humility comes through the death of confidence, as exposed in the first part of this writing, “What’s Wrong with Being Confident?”. Therefore, I believe many of you were led to the conclusion that these two mirrored skills can only exist in the absence of the other. The implication that the words “birth” and “death” suggest permanent loss or temporary existence. But, I think it is better to look at things as briefly mentioned within “Tale of Adam and Eve”. This writer wrote, “It [eating the fruit of knowledge again] will not lead us further astray but rather the opposite, it will bring us back to what we once had, like the mechanics of a button pressed twice, a lever flipped down then up, or a snakes venom used in its antidote.” 

As I wrote but did not definitively express, the existence of omniscient knowledge is not dead. Rather, it took a different form than what we are not used to seeing. Adam and Eve, as I wrote, are not two beings lost on their own, but rather, their beings have intermingled and become inverted. They still exist as a set, but, are lost in one another’s purpose. Two sides of the same coin, however, the side that should be tails is heads, and the side that should be heads is tails. And so, how does this connect to humility and confidence?

As you can imagine, humility and confidence, similarly, are not independent events but dependent on one another and the environment around us. Society. I and you. But, they both exist at the same “time”, just in a different notion. The paradox of life returns! Because our society is increasingly lost, conflicted in our true purpose, we utilize humility and confidence in, objectively speaking, contradictory methods. Times when we should have confidence, we feel as though we should remain humble. Times when we should remain humble to learn more, we are head first in our confidence. Is the picture starting to become clearer? The problem does not rest in only having confidence or only having humility. Rather, the problem arises when we trade their uses and hope to see successful results. We can never not have both humility and confidence. When we are not confident, we will be humble. When we are not humble, we will be confident. Therefore, the question becomes when and how should we utilize these tools?

When and How can we utilize Confidence and Humility?

When I first arrived at my universities dance team try outs, I was not nervous. In what might sound bold and cocky, I felt undisrupted curiosity towards the opportunity in front of me. Then, as the tryouts went on, there were many things which I realized I could not do. My leg did not hit high enough at certain points. Then, I, a self taught dancer, did not know what relevé meant! My jumps were cut short, I fell out of my turns, and, as we repeated a dance sequence in front of our potential coaches, I forgot the dance moves. Nearly all of them!

Despite this, I reacted to my shortcormings with humility and laughter. “Well. It seems like I have a lot to learn!” I thought, and then I continued to dance. What makes this short story so important? There are several themes that we must analyze. I hope you all can think of a life story which, similarly, might resemble my own. 

Switching between my Confidence and Humility

My confidence and ego enabled me to show up and continue trying. I knew that I would be joining the team, I knew this because that was what progress looked like for me. The problem wasn’t that I couldn’t do something. The problem was that I couldn’t do something. Jumps can be jumped higher, turns can be turned with more refinement, and dance moves can be memorized so perfectly that we never forget them, even in our sleep. As long as I am healthy in my mind and body, I didn’t doubt my ability to improve or my ability to learn. My ego kept me inspired, helping me do what I do to the best of my current ability. Mistakes were simply that. Mistakes. They did not define me, but rather, served as points of growth and areas for improvement. Confidence and ego is present in my writing, especially now. Sharp, blind, and to the point. It contrasts greatly to the first writing of this blog, riddled with questions and invisible insecurities. But, what about my humility?

Humility helped my confidence by showing up as curiosity and engagement. I listened, I paid attention. The words and feedback from the coaches did not fall on deaf ears. If I needed the sequence repeated, I asked. I did not declare myself a member of the team just because I had confidence. Progress and improvement was always a core requirement. In between my awareness of what needed to be improved was the watchful eye of a dancer. I practiced moves with my own two feet. I watched videos with my eyes and body together, rather than one or the other. Then, I successfully joined the team, and my efforts did not stop. Rather, I learned new things at a faster rate. My humility took front seat, my confidence having been affirmed and recognized in my successful initiation. Each game we performed at, my confidence was tested and affirmed. Even if I performed poorly, that torn or strained muscle of confidence was bound to return stronger.And if it didn’t? If my confidence was torn completely? my humility developed to create a new foundation. I remembered my imperfections. I was forced to make peace with them.

For you, readers, I urge you to attempt the same. Let your confidence be loud, Feel it, undisturbed, without reserve, and accept. When it has settled and when it’s hunger has been fed, find course for improvement in your humility. In the silence of what you failed to do, or what you could not do. Remember: The problem is not that you can’t do something. The “problem” was that you can’t do something. Reprioritize, reassess, and readdress. Both your confidence and humility are required in all three processes.

What of Humility which overtakes Confidence?

This writer has a small hypothesis she would like to tell you. In todays day and age, we are not confident for confidence sake, but rather, for humility sake. Contrary to what this writer has coined the terms confident and humility to be, it has become a norm for our society (I and you) to act out in meekness, timidity, and blind forgiveness. Confidence has become the acceptance of feeble misalignment between your actions, your thoughts, and your words. 

But, this writer, woman, and mystic was born to ask questions! Why must this be our normal? Aren’t we able to redefine what is normal? Just as I have done throughout my writings, redefine words not for definition sake, but for alignment purposes. To reveal complex societal connotations within everyday words that better fit who I am. If words are to be an expression of self, then, I must learn to self express through my words! The same must be done within what we define as normal. Therefore, what is to stop us from doing the same with humility that has overtaken our confidence?

Question it. Why do you find yourself unsatiated by the meekness you display, or your timdity in certain fields? What has your blind forgiveness done for you? Has it made you calmer, happier, or more at peace? Has it done the opposite? Your confidence which hopes to protect you can and will aid you by teaching you valuable lessons (so this writer has learned!). Do not let your humility stop you from learning these lessons. As dangerous as overconfidence is, humility that known no bounds will keep you stagnant, starving, and settling. 

What of Confidence which overtakes Humility?

Just as confidence has become it’s inverse, Humility has become the awareness of energetic alignment between your actions, your thoughts, and your words. What does this look like? 

Meekness, timidity, and blind forgiveness are examples of overt-humility (or, excessive humility) that has taken shape into another entity entirely. Insecurity. And so a cycle is born! In it’s inverse, We loose our ability to be humble for humility sake. Instead, we are humble for confidence sake.

Between the two extremes, this writer wonders which of the two are more dangerous. Only “time” can tell. Humility brings about a certain degree of power that can be used to leverage our position in life. There is a popular Chinese slang term that I learned from my sister a couple years ago. Bai lian hua (白莲花) translates to white lotus. The term is often used to describe a girl (this writer shakes her head towards double standards) who utilizes kindness and timidity as tools to bring harm to others in order to secure a good lifestyle. Aside from the obvious which can be addressed and examined in this term, there is surely a reason why this term came about. This writer chooses to use it to connect back to the topic at hand: Humility that has overtaken confidence.

 The danger of having your humility overtake your confidence is unknowingly (or knowingly) stepping into a “white lotus” role. As you can imagine, such a role is unsustainable. Humility that acts as confidence can lead you to making insecure decisions backed by poor intentions again and again. Soon, the these decisions will either:

1- Leave your true goal unfulfilled, until you feel forced to take extreme or drastic measures to achieve said true goal.

2- A path of destruction because the truth behind your insecure decisions is exposed.

To use humility in this way presents the danger of loosing yourself to your ambitions. To be wrapped up in your plans prevents you from experiencing good for what it actually is. Instead, good is used as a leverage point, rather than for what good is worth. 

Under both circumstances, the solution is to be confident upright. If this is something you believe yourself to be acting as, face your actions and intentions head on. Be honest with yourself. Why do you find yourself using humility in this way? Is it easier than coming to terms with something you don’t want to address outright? Do you find it easier to trick people, or use deception? As you ask these questions, It is important for my readers to remember: The life you seek, is the life you reap. It is not advisable to use repeated negative actions and expect a lasting positive result. This writer believes that anything and everything can happen at the same time. Understand that there is also a chance your “good actions” are being seen by someone for what they truly are. This can lead to uncomfortable circumstances or even missed opportunities for real, confident growth. 

To Conclude: Balancing Confidence and Humility

This writing hoped to dissect two contrary extremes. Confidence which overtakes humility, and humility which overtakes confidence. But, this writer does not want you to leave this writing assuming that both ends should be avoided entirely, without room for grace, conversation, and mistakes. We are not perfect beings. And so, it is natural, perhaps even normal, for us to be leaning one way over the other. That said, it is also natural and normal for us as humans to attempt to grow, balance, and evolve. Whether you’re humility leaves you overexerting yourself on behalf of others, or your confidence uses self-serving ways makes you a “white lotus”, this writer isn’t here to say that one is bad or good. 

Extremes are, simply put, dangerous. To avoid continuously acting in our extremes, we must (hypocritically!) accept them and be at peace with them when they do occur. Utilizing humility and confidence isn’t about picking between two extremes. It is about balancing two extremes. Utilizing playful confidence and also gentle humility to achieve the best outcome.

Thank you for reading, love

– Ire A.